Diary of a 31 Week Pregnant Woman

Diary of a 31 Week Pregnant Woman

Thursday, June 13, 2013

 Our anniversary.  4 years ago, I married my best friend and true love.  It was the best day of my life!  So today we celebrated by going out to eat at Red Lobster.  I just wanted to write a quick note though about how my pregnant self felt today.  It is hard for me to admit these feelings in writing because I like to convince myself that I truly love being pregnant even when it doesn't feel good, but in reality, today was the first day where I thought I didn't really want to be pregnant anymore. 

Yesterday, I had the day off work so I basically slept in and then relaxed all day just due to lack of energy.  I still managed to take a walk with Matt when it cooled off around 9:00 pm and made it through just fine.  Last night I did not sleep well.  I could not find a comfortable position, couldn't fall asleep for a long time, then we had storms roll through that woke me up. 

This morning I felt so exhausted.  Almost like I hadn't even slept at all.  I felt shaky and weak when I got to work.  I felt a little better after I ate some snacks, but then the rest of the day my back hurt and my stomach felt so swollen it could burst apart.  (especially after eating lunch) The baby likes to move around a lot now and sometimes she pushes so hard on my lungs that it makes it hard to breathe.  

I actually had the thought, "what if every day is like this for the next 9 weeks?"  If so, it will be a struggle to make it without having a few meltdowns.  I know that there will be bad days like today but I just didn't realize that all these symptoms would hit at once.  Of course I am emotional so even thinking about how much I ache and how tired I am makes me want to cry, but I don't have the energy to produce tears.  In times like these, all I can do is rely on God to give me the strength to get through the day and pray for a good night's rest and a better day tomorrow.

(PS- I am using my blog as an open confessional today so that I can look back and remember times like these.  I don't complain often, so I will probably forget I even had a day like today by the time I want another baby.  I need a good reality check every so often.)